An update into the Wolf Den

Well it has been a while since i posted and i thought it would be a good thing to post something.  there has been a LOT of changes and happenings in O/our life.

 

Last time i posted was in June.  WOW that was a long time ago!  So, let’s try to put it in chronological order:

 

June:  Master was not allowed to go back to work cause they got their panties in a wad about His surgery in May. 

August: Master finally won the fight to get His unemployment for pretty much wrongful termination of His job.  Things are starting to get tough jobwise.

Sept.:  Well, there are about 6 birthdays in Sept that i made handmade gifts for.  It was a marathon to get them all done but i did it. 

W/we went up north for Master’s birthday.  It has been about 5 years since He last saw His parents and i have never met them.  While out there His truck blows out the rear end.  Just what W/we need, His truck down.  It is going to cost over $500 to get another one to fix it. 

He is still having trouble finding a job. 

I have surgery on my shoulder at the end of the month after W/we get back from Pittsburgh.

Oct.:  W/we had a great Sowen!  Things are still tight for U/us but He is working for the landlord and that helps.  The crocheting marathon continues as i try to get ready for the first craft show here in TN that i have been to.  it is on nov 1st and i have to get a lot made for it.

Nov.: Well, i have 2 craft shows scheduled back to back. talk about crocheting till my fingers are about ready to fall off. 

i also make an appointment to use the “ticket to work” program.  with the economy as bad as it is and the unemp0loyment rate at 7% + in Sevier county, i have a better chance of getting at job right now then Master does.  This is a scary thought.  i have not worked since 03. 

VR is helping out at lot.  they are sending me to classes to help me “catch up” on the newer technology.  i have signed up for classes to learn MS Office suite XP (2002).  even though we have 2007 at home. 

OMG !!  Master found my best friend from high school and we finally got back intouch!  the nice thing is that it is like  no time has passed at all!  we are jsut as close as we ever were!! Thanksgiving is a great day here.  W/we went to my parents and it was not so bad this year.  W/we didn’t feel like outcasts this time.

Dec.:  It is so cool! VR paid to have my hearing tested to see if i need hearing aides (which i don’t thank the Goddess!!), they are also sending me to get new dentures!!  Master still has to come up with $157 but they are regularly $1600. 

Master is getting ready to lost His unemployment and He will have to file for an extension on it.  things are getting really tough financially for U/us. 

At the end of December, I started the classes and have just finished up the last book of Word 2002 (there were 3 total).  It is now Jan and i will take my final 7 tests to finish up the word section of the classes .  Now on to Excell! 

I might be able to get a job at one of my Dr’s office.  i will be turning in the application with a copy of my resume tomorrow so wish me luck!!

i have finally learned how to knit and i have alreadcy knitted one scarf and almost through with a second!  Now to teach my best friend how lol it is funny that we both crochet and are trying to learn to knit ! 

Well that pretty much catches everyone up with some of the happenings in O/our life.  i’m going to try to blog some more later. it is late and Master is calling me to bed.

What a Mess

When, oh when, will life balance out?  Master still don’t know if He has a job or not.  His work put Him out on FMLA last month after His surgery.  Then won’t let Him go back to work till His Dr. releases Him for light duty and He can go back to full duty.  Now they are saying that He may be facing “disciplinary action” when He returns to work. 

 

The reason is that 2 days after Master’s surgery the Dr. put Him out till after Master’s vacation started. He called in but could not reach anyone.  He left a message with Dispatch, His manager’s voice mail as well as the HR guy’svoice mail.  Here is the story:

The day of Master’s surgery i told the Dr. that work had Master on the schedual to work 2 days after and He looked at me and said “What??!!  I don’t think so!”  So the day after the actual surgery, Master called in to tell them He was going to be out till after the vacation.  Well, ever since Master got bit by the owner’s dog they ahve been action squrilly.  After Master’s vacation, He went back and tried to go to work with a 5 lbs limit.  The Manager and HR hit the roof. 

 

First they said that Master never told them that He was having the surgery in the first place.  Several people heard Him tell His manager about it.  Then they accused Him of faking the whole thing cause they “don’t see how anyone who has had surgery can return to work that soon afterwards”.

Then they said that He never called to say He would be out of work the 2 days prior to His vacation starting!!

 

In my humble opinion, they are using that incident to try to either make Him quit or will be firing Him once He reutrns, even though He has a dr.’s excuse for those two days (they even have copies of it).  So Master has been out of work since the 7th of last month. 

 

It is to the point that W/we don’t know what to do.  Master will be looking for a lawyer if they fire Him over this though.

New store!!

It has been a while since i last posted and there have been a few things going on in O/our life.  See the other blogs for more info about them. 

 

Master let me open up an internet store on Etsy to sell some of my crocheted items laying about the house.  Here is the link to it: www.WolfDenDesigns.etsy.com    

 

i’m always making new things.  It is my way of relaxing.  special orders are my favorites because i like to make O/others happy.  Guess that is one of the things that make me a good slave.  i try to keep the prices low so that E/everyone can buy them,  i’m not looking to get rich off my work, but a little side money for more yarn is always a good plan. :>)

A New and Exciting Crafter’s Site

One of bunnie’s friends, faolain, introduced bunnie to this great site for knitters and crocheters!  It is called Ravelry!  It takes about a week to a week and a half to get the invite to join once you sign up for the list.  There are just so many things to do on that site. You can make lists of your needles and yarns, there are so many different types of groups to join, there are even pagan and BDSM groups on there.  bunnie just finished putting her completed projects on there along with pictures of her work.  she is so excited about it! 

bunnie will be posting further updates on her blog about the different types of things she is working on. After Master Da Wolf approves them. Right now, bunnie is working on a man’s poncho, an American Flag Afghan, and 6 Mother’s Day pillow sachets (yeah bunnie knows they are a bit late, but better late then never.  It turned out to be a bigger project then she thought it would be.). bunnie just finished a Coming Home Pooch Poncho, and a matching Hobo Bag.  bunnie just loves to crochet. 

Master is planning to have bunnie make an ebay e-store to start selling bunnie’s projects.  bunnie is tyring to figure out how to make web sites using Bluevoda web builder program to be able to create a shopping website for her things.  she is learning but it is slow going.

Well, that is about it for now.  bunnie will keep you posted as things develop.

Condolences

Yesterday, Master got some very bad news.  His favorite uncle died the day after Master’s shoulder surgery.  Master’s mother is taking it very hard and sent Master a letter explaining what had happened.  Master got it yesterday.

 

Master seems to be handling it very well.  This is the first death in His family to have happened since W/we got togeather.  bunnie is trying to be there for Master and help Him through this.  One of the frustration parts is that bunnie is still learning how to read Master’s emotions and she doesn’t know how Master processes grief.  Master helped bunnie through things when bunnie’s grandfather died about 3 years ago.

 

bunnie just wants Master to know that she loves Him and is here to help Him through the grief process.  One of the things hindering this process (at least in bunnie’s opinion) is the fact that W/we don’t have the money to make the 500 mile trip to go to PA. 

 

The second thing bunnie sees as a hinderence, is that per His uncle’s requests, there was no funeral, no services, nothing but cremation.  This doesn’t, in bunnie’s opinion, give the closure that is so very important in the grief process. 

 

bunnie has not had to deal with much death in her family.  Those who did die, bunnie’s family didn’t let her know till the day of the funeral or after it was all said and done (bunnie was all the way across the country when these happened.  It would have been difficule, but doable if she had been given a bit more notice). 

 

bunnie knows that everyone deal with grief differently then anyone else.  Keeping that in mind, bunnie is there for Master to talk, break down, or whatever it takes.

 

Yours loves You very much Master!

Nightmare

Bunnie had a very strange and emotional dream last night. Actually it was about 4am this morning. The emotional shit stayed with Your girl for most of the day. Bunnie wrote some of it down and Your’s will try to work it out.

Your girl knows it was getting dark and there was a piece of property that was being auctioned off. She had set up with an agent to do the bidding for her while she was off doing something else. She was on a cell phone to the agent during the bidding.

As darkness fell, the bidding started. Bunnie called the agent to make a bid and the agent answered but would not listen to Your girl. The agent kept trying to side track Your girl and would not listen to what bunnie wanted to put in for the bid. In the background bunnie could hear her family and friends bidding. She made her way towards the property where the bidding was taking place.

Once there she tried to find her agent but couldn’t. What she did find was all her family and friends. She tried to go up to the little groups they were grouped in. It seemed like everyone was partying and having a great time celebrating something. But when Your girl tried to join them they would either move away or just ignore her.

As this went on, bunnie got more and more angry and hurt and upset, to the point that bunnie was almost in tears when she woke up. The bidding finally stopped and the property was bought for 5 cents. The friends who bought it were laughing at bunnie and pointing and mocking her.

Your girl thinks that the property could have represented either Your girl, herself, or the situation of her slavery.

The family and friends shutting her out, mocking her or ignoring her probably is the fact that her family has always treated bunnie with disrespect, ridicule and just down right meanness. She has never fit in with them.

The issues about the friends doing so as well could be that bunnie is feeling isolated from being able to tell the few friends she has about this major change in her life. She aches to be able to talk to someone about how her life has changed between the growth in her self as well as the growth of the relationship.

Master, at least You can talk to Your mother. Bunnie doesn’t even have that. Your girl is a very social person and usually the internet fulfills that part of her when there is no one near her offline to socialize with but even that is kind of sparse at the moment.

It could even be interpreted as the repressed feelings of unease of everything changing faster than normal in O/our relationship. W/we have made a lot of advancements and Your girl’s subconscious has not been able to keep up that well.

Master has been really doing well at keeping the bad dreams away and Your’s doesn’t really understand why this one happened right at this moment. Your’s would like to talk about it face to face more and get some help to figure out what it means and what W/we can do to resolve the issues brought up in the dream.

 

 

Trip to Nashville, TN and the Grand Ole Opry

 

Bunnie’s friend came down from Va and spent the week with her and her Master.  Most times when she comes down, it is a rough week.  For example, she and Master would butt heads cause both are very dominate personalities and she likes to try to take over the household while she is here. While that was ok back when bunnie was still in her early to mid 20’s and still wet behind the ears, it is a much different story now when she’s in her late 30’s and has a Husband/Master.  Of course, Master doesn’t like anyone trying to take over HIS domain. 

 

Anyway, while she was in, she ran U/us both ragged going sight seeing and going shopping and all.  bunnie is still only 4 months post-op from her second total knee replacement.  bunnie had the right knee done last Sept. and the left one was done in Dec.  So, as you can imagine bunnie still very painful and has to take things slow.  Jenny is almost a year post op from the same kind of surgery.  The main difference is that she only had one of her knees done.  She is a very active person and she in no way lets her knee slow her down.  W/we went to Dixie Stampede, the Aquarium in Gatlinburg as well as go-karting.  W/we had a blast! bunnie will post some of the pictures from the trip later in this blog. 

 

Before Jenny left VA, she had purchased tickets for 3 to go to the Grand Ole Opry.  She had origionally brought a friend with her (what happened there will be another story, it was a trip) and due to circumstances beyond her control the friend had to go back home.  Well, that left an extra ticket and Master could not get off work to go with us.  The plan was for us to drive to Nashville, do some sightseeing before the show, watch the show, spend the night and then go to the Belle Meade Plantation on our way back home. 

 

O/our landlord/friend was invited to go with us so the extra ticket was not wasted (it was non-refundable).  Now bunnie has known Jenny for almost 20 years, and bunnie has only know Marilyn (the landlord/friend) since Sept of last year.  Needless to say she was an unknown in how she was going to fit into the dynamics between bunnie and Jenny.  She drove us to Nashville in her brand spanking new Sable.  As bunnie found out on the 3 1/2 hour trip to Nashville, Marilyn is a very dominate personality as well.  So, there are two very Dominate women and poor little submissive bunnie inbetween them!!!! 

 

bunnie thinks that Marilyn and Jenny butting heads all the time on the trip made everyone on guard and not able to enjoy the trip as W/we all should have been able to.  Everything was strained.  Marilyn runs her own business and is doing quite well at it.  So she is used to the finer things of life.   Everything from the places W/we ate to the place W/we stayed was lightly debated.  bunnie says lightly but that was only on the outside. the non-verbal communications were intense.  Jenny and bunnie were happy and content to go to MacDonalds to eat, but Marilyn wanted only the better places like the Cracker Barrell. 

 

Now Jenny was picking up the tab for bunnie as well as for herself.  Jenny paid for just about everything on the trip.  From the gas to the Camping Lodge at the KOA, to the tickets to the Opry as well as the tour of the Ryman and everytyhing else.  She bought the snacks and sovinour mugs at the show.  All she asked was for Marilyn to pay for one of the meals.  Well, either Jenny was too subtle or Marilyn just didn’t think she needed to do that, cause it never happend.  Boy did bunnie hear about it once W/we all got home. 

 

bunnie has decided (with Master’s permission, of course) that if something ever comes up again for Jenny to bring bunnie on a trip, it will be just U/us (unless Master can go of course).

Big Mess Up

 

 

 

 

Well, bunnie messed up big time this time. There were two things that bunnie did wrong. First thing she did was to agree to exchange an item with her sister without consulting Master about it first.

 Now this item is essential to bunnie’s continued recovery from her last surgery, and the item she exchanged it for is something she is not used to having and it affects her in a much different way then her normal item.

The second thing she did wrong was not telling Master about it till several days later. Bunnie had forgotten about it till her sister reminded her 3 days later. What made matters worse was bunnie didn’t tell Master about it till several hours after bunnie’s sister reminded her.

bunnie is still trying to figure out why she did it. She doesn’t think it was out of rebellion or a sense of independence or anything like that. Maybe Master is right, she has trouble telling her family no.

They are usually pretty successful in guilt tripping bunnie into doing what they want her to. Of course, they have had all of bunnie’s life to perfect this, but still. Bunnie has only ONE Master.

bunnie was proud of herself later last night and then again this afternoon. bunnie’s sister tried again to get her to make another exchange. Last night could have been a fluke cause Master was sitting right there and it was before she told Him what she had done, but today she asked again and bunnie stuck to her guns and said no.

bunnie didn’t want to go through what happened last night all over again, plus, Master would not have been pleased if she had repeated the mistake.

bunnie thinks that Master was more upset in her lack of transparency then anything. W/we had had a wonderful day the day before. W/we had gone shopping. Master bought His bunnie a new collar and tag, not to mention put an outfit on order. Then bunnie shows she didn’t trust Him by not following His rules and then not telling Him she had broken them.

The punishment Master administered was hard to take. bunnie doesn’t know what hurt her more, the fact she disappointed Master so deeply or having to wear the punishment panties and the swat on the bottom.

To be honest, the part of disappointing Master hurt the most. bunnie started crying and could not stop.

One of the things bunnie learned through this, is that, for this dynamic to work, bunnie has to be open and honest with Master, especially if she messes up and knows it. Hiding it just makes matters worse and only breeds disappointment and issues. Only through total honesty can bunnie be Owned and healthy.

bunnie just hopes that Master can forgive her. She never meant to betray His trust. bunnie can only strive to do better and to be what her Master wishes her to be.

In closing, bunnie would like to remind herself of her place and the promise she made to her Master when He graced her with His collar.

 

This poem from the John Norman books of Gor helps with that goal:

 

“He is Master, and i am slave.

He is owner, and i am owned.

He commands, and i obey.

He is to be pleased, and i am to please.

Why is This?

Because He is Master and i am slave.”

 

What Being a Slave Means to Your girl

 

Being a slave means many different things to Your girl. First and foremost is the giving of herself totally (body, heart, mind and complete self) to her Master. It is not such a far stretch from what Your girl has already done when she married Master. At that time she swore to Love, Honor and Obey her husband until death and silently she extended it to beyond death as well. Your girl knows this will not be an easy journey but one that she is so grateful to be on, and, with Master’s help, it will be the ride of a lifetime!

Secondly, being Your slave gives Your girl so much freedom. Freedom of mind, emotions, and soul. Only in slavery can a girl be truly free. That phrase alone is the sum of what Your girl feels and believes, because being able to be true to her deepest inner self is the very definition of being free.

Being a slave also means a lifetime of servitude, and that is all Your girl hopes and dreams about. Even before Master collared His wife and soul mate, Yours was already in bondage to You. Even though she did not have that collar around her throat, she was true to her inner self by making life as easy as she could for You. She cooked, cleaned, nursed You when You were sick, listened avidly as You vented about Your job and how You were feeling in general.

To Your girl that is all part of who and what she is, a slave. Your girl gets a deep panicky feeling deep in her core at the mere thought of being released or to be parted from You at all. A slave could not ask for more in a Master then what You give to Your girl.

Your girl has never had anyone in her life as patient as You. When Your girl messes up, disobeys or tries to push the boundaries, You firmly, but tenderly put Your’s back on the right path. That alone is the hallmark of a good Master. Your bunnie could not ask for more. You keep Your girl’s disabilities and limitations firmly in mind when setting goals, activities and expectations as well as with discipline and punishments.

Many Masters have too high of expectations or believe that certain things can be overcome just with the force of Their will, no matter what the Drs say. Your slave is very grateful that You know and understand those limitations. Through Your understanding and patience, Your girl has already grown and will continue to grow.

Growth is essential to the whole M/s dynamics, as is open communication as well as love. Without love, there is no relationship. At least that is Your girl’s thoughts. She never understood how a M/s relationship could function when there was no real emotions or connections between the Master and slave. She found that out the hard way in her previous collar as well. It makes no sense to bunnie, and there may be relationships out there like that, but that is not for Your girl.

With that said, she would not alter O/our relationship one iota! That is one of the beauties of the M/s dynamics: it is not a one size fits all! Every aspect is tailor made to the C/couple. What works for U/us may not work for A/anyone else, and T/their way may not work for U/us. But there is a good amount of sites and books to help guide a C/couple on t/their journey. As W/we continue in O/our search for complete internal enslavement of Your’s, there will be a lot of work on both O/our parts.

Your girl has really been impressed about how serious Master takes His responsibilities. Not many do. They get the thought in their heads that all they have to do is bark orders and that is what makes Them Masters!

Master understands and accepts that that is only a very small part of owning a slave. Just as it is going to be hard work for Your girl to give in completely to her slavery, it is going to be hard work for Master to fully understand and accept His role as a slave Owner. So far, Your girl has observed Master embracing His role completely and almost effortlessly. Sometimes Your’s envies how effortlessly You seem to be adjusting.

Life tends to throw many curveballs to U/us and with the better understanding and deeper connection W/we share, Your girl has the utmost faith that W/we will be better equipped to handle whatever is thrown O/our way. As Master was saying the other night, with a M/s relationship, it seems like there is a lot more communication as well as a much deeper connection between a M/s or D/s then in a “normal” marriage, due to the simple fact that in the BDSM world there is more emphasis on the relationship (i.e., emotional transparency, constant reevaluation of goals and expectations as well as those expectations being spelled out and made explicitly clear).

Don’t be surprised if You see some of this essay in Your girl’s journal, because with this essay, Your slave hopes to work on her transparency as well as provide a window into her innermost thoughts and feelings about her slavery.

Even though it has only been a month since You honored Your slave with her collar, she has grown in ways she had hoped she would, but was unable to grow in those ways without her Master to guide her. Your slave is so grateful for the ties that bind her, body, heart and mind, to You.

Your girl loves You with all her being, Master.